rearviewmirror (rearviewmirror) wrote,

puzzle box

i pause to utilize this journal at times.

there's a part of me that wishes to use this like a memory box, where i can throw the good and the bad inside and sift through it at some later point.

i've always thought of it that way.

but i've had this thing for years and never looked back once.


and i'm okay with that. there's a part of me that wishes to fill this journal with mindless drivel of the day to day going's on of my life. but that doesn't matter.

do you really care how some random individual chose to interact with me? should you choose to place yourself in my situation when i exclaim 'how could this happen to me'?

certainly i don’t care to think about it anymore than in the moment it happens and to let it pass.

perhaps that's why i don't back.

because i am satisfied with life as it is, all that happened to culminate in this moment, this now.

yet there are times when i see something from back then and it causes a warm sensation in my gut and hairs to stand on end as i remember the past with me as i am now, transplanted into it.

there are days i wish i'd have done something different. not regrets. i can only choose based on what i know, and to look back and yearn for alternate outcomes is foolish. though there are days i wonder how i would be if i had done something different.

perhaps not said something, or perhaps said something at all.

for instance. there's a part of me that wishes i didn't go to cook. so that i could have experienced other things. not that my experiences at cook were not fantastic. i just wish i could see how i would be right now, if i had chosen another path or two.

its about my love for alternate endings. there's something that makes each of them so beautiful. and while a story as it is told is complete from its beginning to end, it is yet unfinished for there were always choices one could have made differently to effect an outcome.

i wish i could see my alternate endings.

my "parallel universes".

see my doppelgangers.

just for curiosity’s sake.
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